Friday, September 14, 2018

It Hurts

The reason that we fall short of achieving our goal is simple.
We let pain be a good enough excuse
The pain might be physical, emotional, psychological or even spiritual but it doesn’t matter. The rules of whatever game you’re playing still apply.
I like to play chess. I have an app on my phone and I play when I’m waiting in line, when I’m too tired to do anything else, etc. It’s really embarrassing when I make a move that I knew was dumb but I did it anyway.
I may have forgotten that I tried it in past games and it always got me in trouble but I still forgot about that and did it again. It’s painful to realize that.
I might have even looked carefully over a whole series of moves and ruled that one out. But after thinking about seven or more combinations, they start to mush together in my brain. I get mentally tired and then do something that *I already know doesn’t work*. Then, I feel stupid.
But the death rattle is to tell myself something like “This game is dumb” or “I’m just not smart enough to be good at chess”.
I have to push through the pain and try again. I have to keep thinking and processing, even when it hurts my pride and I feel like a moron. I have to commit to get better.
The universe has laws like gravity. If you want to lift yourself up off the floor, you must exert the correct amount of force to do that; 85% will not suffice.
We can allow pain to be an excuse… it’s super freakin’ easy.
“I can’t lose weight, I’m too hungry”
“I can’t go to school, the work is too difficult for me”
“I can’t get a job, there are too many rejections and it’s too depressing”
“I can’t get a date, there are too many rejections and it’s too depressing”
“I can’t stay in the relationship, it’s too much work”
“I can’t get out of the toxic relationship, it’s too painful to be alone”
“I can’t get off the drugs, the withdrawal is too painful”
“I can’t go to the gym, it hurts too much the next day” or “It’s too embarrassing to work out next to all those people who weigh half as much or are twice as strong”
But pushing through the resistance is absolutely the only thing that works. Nothing else will cut it.
Any of the above examples have been done by someone before you and they are no better than you.
The only thing separating you from having what you want is the story you tell yourself about why you can’t have it.
That’s something I have heard from a variety of sources. It might be a slight oversimplification but it’s 90% true and it will serve you to treat it as if it’s 100% true.
You have to pick something and make it your fucking religion.
We can’t all do everything, we’re not super heroes. But if you’re unhealthy, maybe you say “For the next year, NOTHING else matters but my health”.
If you are in school, you set everything else aside and you do school.
If you’re in a relationship that means the world to you but you’re just phoning it in, not really committed, then you drop your other interests and focus on giving it 100%.
If you need money, you make money your focus.
You want to be an expert in a given area, you eat, sleep and breathe that subject.
Sometimes, you have to put something first, out of necessity. Money and health are big ones, they sometimes supersede other areas. But you can find ways to “stay in the game” for the other things that are important to you, if you’re serious and willing to commit on a smaller scale.
For example, you say “My school is my focus this year, it eats up 10 hours of my day. But I can give two hours to my relationship partner and one to my health”.
You get the idea, whatever area you need to go forward in, you get radically honest about what you can do, what you cannot do and you formulate a plan.
For me, chess is just a hobby. I chose to use it as a metaphor because games work well to illustrate the point.
But if I was trying to become a chess master, I would be reading books about chess every day, watching videos about chess regularly, playing anyone who would sit still and have a game with me. I would find a mentor/teacher to study under and treat that relationship like it was everything.
Chess doesn’t mean that much to me, personally. But other people and things in my life… do.
I know what matters to me and you know what matters to you. Do your thing.
Just remember, if it’s something worth doing, it’s going to hurt… a lot. Anything worth doing will require your very best.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist (Interview with Debbie Mirza)





Wow :-o  This is super powerful stuff. All of us are human and we're all guilty of one or two of these things, in small ways, at certain times (usually when we're under stress).



However, the depths to which this type of behavior can go is a call to each of us to root out these subtle, manipulation techniques and be rid of them. Because this is no way to live.



If you're with someone like this, then get them help; if they won't accept the help, then run like hell. If you're one of these people, then get the help you need and take full accountability for your actions and your feelings and stop hurting others. Full stop.























Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Unchanged



Unchanged

by Magus







These wounds open and tender
They reveal your face to me
Into the chalice of my arms
The blood of your suffering flows free

It's a mild mannered possession;
This waiting for the rain
Encumbered by its spell and
Groggy in the slumbering delay

A scrap of ribbon fallen
From a lover’s hair
Found by the boots of boredom
Lament for things not yet dead

A piece of my soul floats there
Down in the puddle below
Somewhere in a watch pocket
An insane notion explodes


by Magus (Kevin Trent Boswell)

 

Magus & The Plastic Infinity

Kevin Trent Boswell

Antiverse

Conjure Sound

Conjure Work

Thursday, June 21, 2018

birthday basket 



This is something that I wrote today, to say thank you for all the kind birthday wishes. It means a lot and I appreciate it.

On my birthday, June 21, 2018
For all of you 

Owner of Conjure Work, http://conjurework.com



- - -

glow bright,
torch flame ball 
squeezes 
through the cracks 
in the wall 
of the circled garden, 
zapping flowers and faces 
with light and warmth

illuminating orb climbs atop 
the back of a crab carriage 
and takes up its reigns 
ten miles down the trail


then ten more and


a final ten days, still

of all the gifts 
possible to call satisfying, 
none is more so 
than having a handful of faces 
you know and welcome 
into your eyes
arms about you, 
a band of those who can be counted as your people 
and you 
as one of their own 

in this, my mem-heh day, 
I dig into my pockets 
and find only useless 
bits of nothing, 
ridiculous things like gold 
and documents of ownership, 
certificates of overpriced 
possessions,
keys to things,
things that are kept 
locked away 
for fear of their loss... 

I instead grab for paper and pen and offer you instead,
something truly useful

a small scrap of peace

like the Christ split the 
loaves and fishes, 
I will break this bread of joy 
with all of you, 
we will divide it between us 
until there is no more left

with each disappearing morsel, 
may you, like Osiris, 
be reconstructed,
made whole 

enjoy your slice of cake
it was never mine, anyway;
nothing ever was
the things I called my own
were spells, illusions,

glamours and self-deceptions

the only thing real is that
which I give to you 


may it sustain your hearts 
through lonely periods 
may it entertain you 
during dullness 
may it prevent you 

from doing stupid things 
when you are angry 
or afraid 
may it protect
 you 
from the attacks of others, 
may it protect you 
from the awful attacks 
that you launch 
upon yourself 

may it make you laugh 
when you’re down 
and seemingly out
may it be a cornerstone for you, 
as you succeed 
and build your new palaces 
in the sun

take this and share
like a plant cutting, 
spread it 
like wildfire, 
let it swallow the whole
branding genuine smiles 
on the faces of all you people, 
you children 
of birth and growth, 
decline and 
the final surrender to sleep 

let this stupid, 
silly smile disease 
infect you, 
let the epidemic of laughter 
sweep 
over the land
taking you utterly 
and joyfully 
by surprise 


By Kevin Trent “Magus” Boswell



Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Nothing Gained 


Two or three enemies conspiring in unison, 
However petty or untrue their cause 
Can turn an army of friends against you,
As if it never was

A couple of soured enemies,
In coveting something you possessed 
Banded together for your ruin 
But never settled their own unrest

Child A, when refused a toy
That clearly belonged to Child B
Child A smashed it, in a rage, and turned 
His eye to the toys of Child C

As many toys as he can jealously take
Each stolen, broken or thrown 
Each proves only how sad he is 
For never having toys of his own 




 

Thursday, April 5, 2018

As Time Goes By




https://youtu.be/sVsW9nNdVQc

As Time Goes By. Written by Herman Hupfeld, arrangement by Dave Frackenpohl. Played here by Magus (Kevin Trent Boswell). 

#magus #kevintrentboswell #kevin_trent_boswell #jazz #guitar #chordmelody #casablanca